The website makes it real.

I am contacting you from my Cell room via the aide of one of the prison guard. My name is Moudjaidou Soumanou, ex-minister of commerce, Benin Republic. I got your contact information from one of the foreign human rights lawyer that visited the prison. My proposal is simple, I have a domicilary account with one of the banks here in Benin republic with the total amount of FCFA 3.5 Billion. I have an insider in the bank that I have already concluded arrangements to have a Gold ATM Card issued on this account. This is the area I will need your assistance because I was advised by my insider that it will be safer and unnoticeable if the ATM is drawn from USA,Europe or Asia. I am ready to offer you 30% and the remaining one will have to be sent to my wife. My family is in Togo and I will tell you what to do if you accept my deal. I have to do something fast before the government links me with the account and thereby freeze it as they froze four of my accounts in Benin Rep. France and Belgium. Mail me back if you are interested in my proposal and you can check this BBC site for my reason of my present location- http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-20043189 This is a long story and I am being framed up for political reasons. Yours faithfuly,

Moudjaidou Soumanou

RESPONDED WITH:

Dear Mr. Moudjaidou...er....Sojdmanjoujihadist

It must be nice using a computer in a cell. I'm using one in my apartment which has had no interior design done. It's simply a cube-shaped studio apartment with a tiny window and some roaches. In fact, my computer hasn't been upgraded at all in the past fifteen years. I'm allowed outside by the people in the white coats every now and then, but other than that it's just me and Crenshaw, the roach that comes around every now and then.

I like your BBC article. It features a lovely and handsome person on the front page. Is this in fact you? How wonderful. You certainly do deserve the money. Keep it, all of it, sir and get your starving family from Togo off the street corners (I used to frequent those, you know!) and back into your home. Hopefully you don't have roaches like Crenshaw.

Be safe,

Shmoozadood Moolajoobert

Happy times.

I think that I will strongly not distract if I write this message? I think that you still check yours e-mail and can sometimes look. I reside in Azerbaijan alone and I have no children. If you still to seeking to yourself for the playmate in a life then we could get acquainted else. As it was not possible to us to have often correspondence on the Internet earlier. Earlier I had some questionnaires on sites of acquaintances. Here Lina and cheerful mood.

RESPONDED WITH:

Here, Charles and happy times.  My emails morning were glorious, I am seeking.  Acquainted.  It is possible for us to often have correspondence Internets.  George W. Bush gave us Internets.  Here, Charles and happy times looks for you, no distraction.  No Whammies.  No children.  No nightmares.  No presents underneath trees in the third world country?  None.  Sometimes I looks at email then think why not?  Champagne.  Glorious champagne, bubbles in the air, on your face, on your body, all over your body, touch my body, body, like Mariah Carey, yes.  Questions?  You have questions.  Charles and happy times has answers.  Give, be one with the earth Lina and cheerful mood, and we will merge as one be it all the glorious nature of the desires what our Lord Baby Jesus.

Charles.  Happy times. 

Grammar fools in love.

Hi my love!!! How are you? At me all is good. How weather at you? I  very much miss on you, my love. You miss on me, my charm? I constantly dream of our meeting with you, my love. I very much want, that when I  have arrived to you We have lead pleasant evening at any restaurant  Also danced slow dance under music. You would like it, my love? I very  much would want it. My dear I it is glad that you want, that I have  arrived to you. But as I wrote you with last letters that I have  arrived to you to me 405 pounds will be necessary to buy the ticket and to arrive to you. My dear I very much wish to arrive to you but I need for this purpose 405 pounds. My dear I hope that you can help me
with money and transmit me 405 pounds that I could will buy the ticket and to arrive to you at date of a birth. You can transmit me 405 pounds? Tell to me when you can transmit me 405 pounds? I so want to embrace you at first our meeting with you, my love. I very much would like to present you a longest kiss, That has felt all sweet of my fine lips. I very much want, that you have felt my gentle and strong embraces. I always dreamed of such person as you, my love. And I very much would like, that we were near to you, my love. I feel the small girl who has fallen in love with you without memory. To me it is very sad without you, without your embraces and gentle, tender kisses. I very much want to be with you, my Prince!!! I so want it!!!! With huge love and with all my tenderness yours Darya.

DEAR DARYA

MY PRINCESS, THANK YOU FOR BEING IN MY LIFE.  MOST WOMEN WOULD NOT DATE A CAPSLOCK MAN LIKE ME.  THEY SAY ITS SHOUTING AND THEY CANT STAND IT WHEN I TWITTER THEM BECAUSE THEY SAY ITS TOO LOUD.  I THINK RUN-ON SENTENCES GO PERFECTLY WITH CAPSLOCK.  I DREAM OF YOU NIGHTLY YES.  I CAN HELP WITH YOUR 405 POUNDS, BUT I MUST GET LIPOSUCTION FIRST AS I CANNOT REMOVE MYSELF FROM MY HOUSE WITHOUT FALLING OVER.  THEN I CAN SHIP TO YOU MY DEAREST A TUB OF MY OWN HOT LARD.  WHEN CAN WE BE TOGETHER?  I DREAM OF HUGGING YOU IN MY MASSIVE, WARM EMBRACE.  THANK YOU FOR LOVING A MASSIVE, CAPSLOCK HUNGRY FOOL THAT I AM.  I WANT TO KISS YOU, BUT MY MANBOOBS ARE TOO BIG FOR THAT RIGHT NOW.  WHEN I REMOVE MY FAT AND GIVE IT TO YOU, THEN I WILL FINALLY BE ABLE TO GIVE YOU MY DEAREST THE KISS YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED.  WE WILL BE TOGETHER SOON, EVEN IF MY FAT PREVENTS IT FROM BEING SO.

YOURS ALWAYS,

FATTIE MCCAPLOCK 

Revival of ye olde blog with a BIG BANG.

Dear Friend,
How are you? I hope all is well with your family, friends and pets. I hope this urgent mail meets you in a perfect condition. We have no time to waste regarding the information I am about to tell you, it is an urgent and serious matter.
My name is Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth, senior data analyst here at the CERN institute based here in Geneva (http://public.web.cern.ch/public/). CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, is one of the world’s largest and most respected centres for scientific research. Its business is fundamental physics, finding out what the Universe is made of and how it works. You may have seen on the news that, in recent days, our Large Hadron Collider machine has been colliding high-speed beams of energy in order to explore new physics and understand how the universe began. CERN have been adamant that this is safe, however I KNOW THE TRUTH.
The truth is that this experiment that CERN are conducting is extremely dangerous, and could cause global disaster. This experiment has a 95% of causing a black hole, thus swallowing a large area of the planet. The scientists do not want you to know this as they know it will cause panic. However, I can help you.
I am arranging for a number of selected people to be evacuated to a safe location on an island in the South Pacific via aeroplane. You have been selected from random to take part in this evacuation, thus continuing the survival of the human race.
Please, if you are interested, email me back immediately with the following information:
Full name:
Age:
Contact number:
Country:
Email address:
Please send all emails to my private box: From > ***Email removed***
Regards, and God bless.
Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth

Mr. Fansworth,

You cannot handle the truth, Mr. Fansworth.  Here is why--I, unlike you, am a black hole.  Yes, I am existence that does not exist, I am alpha and omega, I am the center of the universe in which all existence cannot escape.  You cannot escape my wrath, Farnsworth.  You cannot handle the truth.

This email disgusts me.  You say that you can re-create me inside of a particle-smashing tunnel?  Haberdash!  How can you create that which consumes all of existence?  You cannot.  This is a silly musing that makes me laugh.  Here is my proposition to you and your little CERN tunnel:

Cease the operations of your silly play-toys, or else my extreme gravitational pull will eradicate all lifeforms of the universe.  Are you familiar with the spaghetti theory?  Yes, you will be hurled into a center of nothingness so fast that your entire being will be stretched so thin that you'll slip through a colander.  All humans will be pulled into my realm of destruction.  You think you can scamper to the South Pacific?  HA!  Even your sun will be blinked out.  I am unstoppable.  Rethink your craziness and perhaps I won't decide to consume you until another billion years passes.

Sincerely,

The Black Hole
Nowhere in the Middle of Nowhere

PS.  If you find Higgs-Boson, let him know he's a douche.

Secret Code

Reference Number: BEG/2551256008/07
You have won 1,000,000.00 (One Million Euros) Your electronic email address emerged as one of the Euro million on-line winning email sweepstakes program held on the 27th of September 2010 , in Brussels Belgium. Email Ticket Number X-3007893284-Z Reference Number: BEG/2551256008/07 Draw Lucky Number: 09-22-37-39-41-49-2-7 Batch Number: JPK14/0115/IP, Serial Number: HMML3214-07. Please note that the validity period of the winning is 27th of October 2010

CONTACT: Mr.Philipus Henks TEL: 0032-489-132-178

Reply to Email:euromillions2013@luckymail.com
NB: Please do not mail back through the alert email, contact Mr.Philipus Henks, via email:euromillions2013@luckymail.com

Sincerely,
Mrs. Angela Andreas

Response:

This is 34-Condor. 1137, do you read? This message is corrupt. The ducks are flying westward. The bell is in the pit, and the fireflies have left the garden. I repeat. The ducks are west. The bell is in. Fireflies have left.

Henks, are you contact 35? If 35, you can contact this: N31-DS6-THX-1138-D66-BSNC
Henks, repeat if viable option. 34-Condor out.

Not a good love

This infatuation with you is not going away. I've tried all I can to forget you but I simply can't. You are the love of my life. I'm sending you an eCard so you'll understand how special you are to me. Click here to see your ecard


Response:

I'm sorry Remus, but it was you or the gerbil.

Business

Good Day,
I have a Business Proposal of 24,500,000.00 for you to handle with me
please reply me for more information.Contact me on my email:
sflockhart@yahoo.com.hk
Regards,
S.A Flockhart.


Response:

Sorry baby, I only handle people that I meet in person.

M A Hooker