Elementary

ROBERT MUELLER III
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR FBI
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION FBI.WASHINGTON DC.
Email:fbifiles@cortado.com
FBI SEEKING TO WIRETAP INTERNET

ATTENTION:BENEFICIARY,

We believe this notification meets you in a very good present state of mind and health.
We the Federal bureau of investigation (FBI) Washington, DC in conjunction with some other
relevant Investigation Agencies here in the United states of America have recently been
informed through our Global intelligence monitoring network that you presently have a
transaction going on with the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) as regards to your over-due
contract payment which was fully endorsed in your favor accordingly.

It might interest you to know that we have taken out time in screening through this
project as stipulated on our protocol of operation and have finally confirmed that your
contract payment is 100% genuine and hitch free from all facet and of which you have
the lawful right to claim your fund without any further delay.Having said all this,
we will further advise that you go ahead in dealing with the Central Bank office
accordingly as we will be monitoring all their services with you as well as your
correspondence at all level.

In addendum, also be informed that we recently had a meeting with the Executive Governor
of the Central Bank of Nigeria, in the person of Prof. Chukwuma Soludo
and Mr. James Whetstine along with some of the top officials of the Ministry regarding
your case and they made us to understand that your file has been held in abase depending
on when you personally come for the claim. They also told us that the only problem they
are facing right now is that some unscrupulous element are using this project as an
avenue to scam innocent people off their hard earned money by impersonating the Executive
Governor and the Central Bank office.

We were also made to understand that a lady with name Mrs. Joan C. Bailey from OHIO has
already contacted them and also presented to them all the necessary documentations
evidencing your claim purported to have been signed personally by you prior to the
release of your contract fund valued at about US$8,000,000.00 (Eight million united
states dollars), but the Central Bank office did the wise thing by insisting on
hearing from you personally before the go ahead on wiring your fund to the Bank
informations which was forwarded to them by the above named Lady so that was the main
reason why they contacted us so as to assist them in making the investigations.

They further informed us that we should warn our dear citizens who must have been
informed of the contract payment which was awarded to them from the Central Bank of
Nigeria, to be very careful prior to this irregularities so that they don't fall victim
to this ugly circumstance. And should in case you are already dealing with anybody or
office claiming to be from the Central Bank of Nigeria, you are further advised to STOP
further contact with them in your best interest and then contact immediately the real
office of the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) only with the below informations accordingly:



Responded with:

Dear FBI,

Thank you.  I would like to have 8 million dollars.  My teacher says you guys are good
at what you do.  I am to.  I like to write many good stories that are like what you
write to me.  I live in a house with chickens and cows and the chickens lay eggs and
we cook them and they are good.  We need the 8 million dollars to be rich because my
dad went on Press Your Luck and got three whammies it is no good.
Who is this mrs bailey would she like a boyfriend I am on yahoo chat and I have an
awesome mullet.  Tell her to please be my girlfriend and we need to meet on yahoo chat
i'm there all the time.

How do you say Chukwuma is that his name it is weird he needs to change his name to
something cooler like Mike I wish my name was Mike.

I think I did call the real bank of nigeria one time it was some funny number and some
guy told me to hold on the line while he got some one he called Dawn on the phone
and she sounded very pretty but she wanted to know how much money I had and I think
she would be happy if I gave her 8 million.
She went on and asked me what I wanted and I didnt know she asked me if i wanted something
called a bj and i told her that was not my name do u know what bjs are someone told me
theyre good 2 have but i dont know would 8 million be enouf for one.

Ok thank you give me a call so i can get my 8 million and my bj

stephen yung

Large whats?

EMAIL TRANSMISSION

To: BENEFICIARY

FROM: MR.ROBERT MUELLER,

FBI DIRECTOR .

ATTN: Beneficiary,

There is an issue with the World Bank Creditors in the amount of Ј 15 Million Pounds sterling directed in cash credited to file KTU/ 9023118308/03,at the Owner of this email address which has now been reverted to the federal reserve bank of america a couple of hours ago due to the Recent Homeland Security Act which prevented large cums of money.

In view of several efforts already made by us to contact you for the following reasons based on the new account submitted to this office on your behalf.

(1) My Office desks have just received a sworn affidavit from Mr. RAINER HESSE of Germany to re-route your payment( Ј 15 M) into a new bank account number as stated "VACAP" Federal Credit Union, 1700 Robin Hood Road,Richmond, VA 23220.Account number 32501.of Mr. RAINER HESSE.

(2) Please, confirm to our department if you have instructed Mr. Rainer Hesse to appoint an attorney/agent on your behalf thereby asking that he receive cash Remittance on your behalf.

(3) It has come to our notice that you are Being contacted by unauthorized individuals with respect to your Compensation but unfortunately this office is not aware of your Unofficial dealings and warned that it is at your own risk.

(4)You are mandated to call the senior representative ( AMBASSADORZALMAY KHALIZAD ): +234-8056378827 or at this email: zalmay.khalizad.04@gmail.com via United state embassy,UN office in NIGERIA for further clarifications because your fund is now in the transfer status with Bank of America, and as soon as you call the number, you can transfer your fund to any bank account you wish.

Best Regards,

Robert S. Mueller III

Federal Bureau of Investigation

Hotline: + 1-206-426-6567

Mr. Mueller III,

Forgive me for being so forward, but this is Mr. Rainer Hesse. I was unaware you knew of my email address, although I am on those dating sites like Match.com so that's hopefully where you got it from.

I would be interested in large cums from you if that's in fact what you meant. I'm a backside boy, you see. While I'm certain the money you offer is not for me, would you be so kind to transfer it anyways to my account? I can give you large cums as well. I don't see your email address on any dating websites. Do you swing both ways? Don't tell my superiors--I'll get fired immediately. You know how it is for us gays, dodging the flak from higher-ups.

Mr. Khalizad is actually a lover of mine. Jesus, my ass still hurts from last weekend! Kindly send him a message thanking him for his services, as I'm far too shy to do it myself. Next time we'll have to play dress-up. I'll be the untrained pupil, he can be the teacher.

Would you wish to join? I've seen his collections of toys, and WOW it's like a dungeon of pleasure! There's room for three more, bring your friends. ;)

Sincerely,

Rainy

DEAREST, HOPE YOU ARE GOOD OVER THERE. I AM SORRY IF I AM INTRUDING INTO YOUR PRIVACY BY CONTACTING YOU SINCE I DO NOT KNOW YOU PHYSICALLY. THE FACT IS THAT I HAVE BEEN DIRECTED BY THE SPIRIT OF HUMANITARIAN SERVICE TO YOU KNOWING FULLY WELL THAT YOU WILL FAIR ENOUGH TO RESPOND TO THIS TASK THAT I SHALL BE PUTTING FORWARD TO YOU. AS YOU RIGHTLY KNOW, OUR TODAY'S WORLD IS GOVERN BY GREED,WICKEDNESS , HOSTILITY AND HATRED. PEOPLE NO LONGER FEEL SAFE DEALING WITH CLOSE FRIENDS ,RELATIVES ,NEIGHBOURS AND LOVED ONES. TRUST ARE BETRAYED BY PEOPLE YOU LEAST EXPECTED. I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT INTRODUCING MYSELF TO YOU BEFORE NOW. ,MY NAME IS SADDIQAl-TAYYIB FROM RIYAHD ,SAUDI ARABIA. I DO NOT FANCY RACIAL DISCRIMINATION SOIF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE THAT THINK YOUR RELIGION OR RACE IS SUPERIOR TO THAT OF OTHER PERSONS, PLEASE DO ME THE FAVOUR OF NOT REPLYING THIS MAIL. I HAVE SPENT 57 GOOD YEARS IN THIS WORLD AND HAVE WITNESS THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY SIDES OF LIFE. I HAVE LEARNT NOT TO VIEW LIFE FROM JUST A SINGLE PERSPECTIVE BECAUSE LIFE IS UNPREDICTABLE. MY REASON FOR CONTACTING YOU IS TO COMBINE OUR IDEAS AND DEDICATION TO TOUCH THE LIVES OF THE LESS-PRIVILEGE IN SOME PART OF THE WORLD SO THAT A GOOD LEGACY WILL BE LEFT BEHIND AFTER OUR TIME ON EARTH. I AM ACTUALLY IN THE HOSPITAL SENDING THIS MAIL TO YOU AS I HAVE EXPERIENCED ONE TRAUMA AFTER THE OTHER. MEDICAL EXPERTS HERE HAVE INFORMED ME I MIGHT NEVER LIVED TO SURVIVE THIS AILMENT THAT HAS PLAGUED THE LAST FEW YEARS OF MY LIFE. THIS IS BECAUSE THIS DEADLY AILMENT HAS AFFECTED MY MOST VITAL INTERNAL ORGANS. SOMEHOW, I NOW FEEL SAFER DEALING WITH STRANGERS THAN PEOPLE I KNOW DUE TO CONSTANT BETRAYALS I RECEIVE FROM LOVED ONES. NOWADAYS ONLY FEW THINK ABOUTASSISTING ORPHANAGE HOMES AND OTHER CHARITY ORGANISATIONS AROUND THE WORLD DUETO SELF-CENTREDNESS. THE RICH ARE GETTING RICHER AT THE EXPENSE OF THE POOR. PLEASE RESPOND TO THIS MAIL AS SOON AS YOU FINISH READING TO LET ME KNOW YOUR OPINION ABOUT ASSISTING THE LESS-PRIVILEGED AND IF YOU HAVE EVER GIVEN IT A THOUGHT TO HELP THEM ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. I HAVE A DREAM TO SHARE WITH YOUAND I HOPE AND PRAY I AM COMMUNICATING WITH THE RIGHT PERSON. THANKS FOR NOW AS I AWAIT YOUR SOONEST RESPONSE WITH:YOUR FULL NAMES, ADDRESS,PHONE/FAX NUMBER AND YOUR COUNTRY. YOURRESPONSE SHOULD BE FORWARDED TO THE BELOW ADDRESS:sadq_tayyib14@yahoo.com.hk THANKS FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED RESPONSE AND DO HAVE A GREAT DAY !!! REGARDS. SADDIQ Al-TAYYIB

Mr Sadick--

I am glad you do not know me physically, you sick fucking bastard.

Regards,

Someone

Daniel's Response, sans email.

I sent the following reply to "lawyer" Mike Finucane, who wanted my
help getting ahold of some funds an ex-client of his who had neglected
to mention in her well. I, of course, would be well compensated for my
assistance.

Mike? Mike FINUCANE? I don't believe it!

How are you doing, old man? I haven't heard from you since that nasty
business with the FRC!

God does this brings back memories...remember that time we were
touring East Germany with Inga, and she let slip that your uncle
worked for SIS, and we almost got killed by that bunch of Commie
construction workers? My jaw still hurts to think about it!

Now that I think about it, it's no wonder you and Inga didn't work out
in the end. I still get a Christmas card from her every year…she
caught herself a Princeton man who owns a couple of big cattle ranches
in Montana. They're marketing a frozen version of her
schnitzel...which let's be honest, is probably the reason he married
her.

I'm doing pretty well myself. While I was still in the Navy, my
brother offered me a chance to help out the son of a deposed African
dictator by letting him use my account for fund transfers. We
developed such a reputation for reliability and reasonable rates that
royal family members were getting their dictators overthrown just to
take advantage of our services.

My other investments have done even better. A few dollars to a
long-shot Texas governor got me a slot as the Ambassador to Qwghlm,
which, as you may recall, is my ancestral homeland. To think how you
used to tease me for taking Qwghlmian instead of Pravic or Sindarin.

I suppose you have heard my now that our old companion Maximus has
passed on. He never really forgave you for that scene you made at his
Christmas party, where you got drunk and described in great detail
(and at great volume) the sexual congress you had enjoyed with both
him and his mother. Of course, Mackie- ever the gentlemen- chose not
to counter by pointing out that you have been unable to engage in
intercourses since the voluntary castration you underwent during your
brief foray into a neo-Skoptic religion. My god, man, what were you
THINKING?

As great as it is to hear from you, I'm afraid I won't be able to help
you with your project...ever since Umbrella's merger with
Weyland-Yutani fell through, I've let my brother handle the financial
side of the house.

Best of luck though,

Buzz

Crackwhores Anonymous

Dear Friend

In search of a Trustee.

Its me Mrs Rosemary King, i want to donate what I have to the needy.
You Could be surprised why i picked you. But someone has to do it. I am
old and living with HIV AIDS AND CANCER. I have been touched to donate from what I have
inherited from my late husband to charity through you for the good work
of humanity, rather than allow my relatives to use my husband's hard
earned funds inappropriately.

I hope to be fogiven for all my sins and I believe he has, because He
is merciful. I have been living with HIV AIDS for years. and i know that
the disease has no cure therefore i will surely die. I have made up my
mind to give out (Fifteen million united state dollars) towards the fight against
HIV AIDS and CANCER, and other human related diseases. I want this to be done
through you. Part of the money would also be used to help the motherless,
less privileged and also for the assistance of the widows. Presently, i
can not answer calls due to the fact that my relatives are around me and
I have been restricted by my doctor from taking telephone calls
because I deserve all the rest I can get.

Presently,I have informed my lawyer about my decision in donating the
funds. I wish you all the best, and please use the money well and always
extend the good work to others. If you are able to carry out this
task,i will inform my legal adviser so that he can arrange the release of
the funds to you. I know i have never met you but my mind tells me to do
this,and I hope you act sincerely.I will pay you a handsome amount of
this money if you will assist me because I am now weak to do things
myself because of my HIV AIDS.

Kindly reply me on my private email:(rosekingmyking@yahoo.com.hk)

NB: I will appreciate your utmost secrecy in this matter until the task
is carried out,as I don't want anything that will halter this my last
wish Love,

Mrs Rosemary King.

Mrs. Rosemary--

I'm sorry to hear that you can't pick up your phone and dial a couple of numbers, but I am glad to hear you can sit on your computer, find the time to find someone random in the world (especially ME! lol), and then type this email I have most graciously received.

I have seen a lot of your kind, the ones barely hanging on to life, suffering from limb-to-limb from flesh-eating STDs. My only wish is that you kind of people can be the example Africa and the rest of the world needs to stop anal sex from happening. Since anal sex is one of the leading causes of sharing STDs, I'm sure this probably happened to you. Were you reluctant at first to let your lover stick it in the pooper? Mine is exit only.

Or perhaps you were around the block far too many times? Yes, I know a few little girls that were like that. They never closed their legs, the whores. But I'm sure your case was different sweetie. I'm glad you're giving all your late husband's money to me so I can start bringing in the crackwhores, meth-heads, prostitues, and fuckbunnies and show them what real lives they can have after you die.

Where has the cancer spread to? Let's hope that the cancer eats away the HIV AIDS and then disappears. I know that in my heart you will find God one way or another because he meant you to have both AIDS and cancer, just like you meant me to have the money. I am not surprised to have this great bounty disposed of upon me. From this day forth, I'm going to clean up the streets starting with the first penny of your death money.

Go with God,

A former crackwhore

FEDEX COURIER COMPANY
No 12 Air Port Road, Benin City.
West Africa Nigeria,
Telephone: +234 80 67 5721 04
Telephone: +234 80 67 5721 04

Good Day.

I am Mrs. Kate Hood Of the Fedex Courier Company,I have a Confirmable
BankDraft of $1,000.000.00 (One Million United States Dollars), that i
deposited the Draft with FEDEX COURIER SERVICE,West Africa,I travelled out
of the country for my hollidays and I will not reture back untill the end
of October.

I want you to try all your best and contact the FEDEX COURIER SERVICE as
soon as possible to know when you will get this package to you because of
the expiring date.For your information, I have paid for the security
Keeping Fee,Insurance premium and Clearance Certificate Fee of the Cheque
showing that it is not a Drug Money or meant to sponsor Terrorist attackin
your Country.

The only money you will send to the FEDEX COURIER SERVICE to deliver your
Draft direct to your postal Address in your country is $100.00 USD only
Delivery Charge Fee of the Courier Company so far.Again,don't be deceived
by any person to pay any other money except $100.00 USD Dollars you are to
pay the Delivering Charge .I would have paid that but they said no because
they don't know when you will contact them and in case of demurrage. You
have to contact the FEDEX COURIER SERVICE now for the delivery of your
Draft with this below  information.

=======================================
Contact Person: Mr. Barin White
Email Address:  fedex_barinwhite@yahoo.com.hk
Telephone: +234 80 67 5721 04
Telephone: +234 80 67 5721 04
=======================================


Lastly, You are advice to send the below information to the Courier Company:

Your Full Name:......................
Your Sex:............................
Postal address:......................
Direct telephone number:.............

Do send it to them again to avoid any mistake on the Delivery and ask them
to give you the tracking number to enable you track your package over
there and know when it will get to your address.

Yours Faithfully,
Mrs. Kate Hood.

Response:

Fuckin GOOD!  I don want no terrorist attackin my fuckin country.  This is US of A
and we're united under GOD HIMSELF prasie the baby Lord Jesus.

100 bucks?  Shit i need to get on down to the sperm bank and shoot off a few rounds.  I
hope they have the good porn this time, last time I went they gave me Colon Cowboys an I
didn't shoot shit cause it was some sorta Brokeback bullshit that I aint into. 
That movie had purty horses in it though.  

I prolly gotta sell the kids too.  A million bucks?  Shit I'd give em up for 100 to get that.
Maybe i'll give out some blood too, i've been hiding from dem fuckin collections folk they
keep callin me and even one time one showed up on the porch, so Bubba (he's the 10 year old)
grabbed the shotgun an made him remember who the Lord was praise the baby lord Jesus Christ
Almighty who will SMITE the fuckers who dare touch my holy porch!

I have a question though, if the money came from Nigeria...did you clean it?  I mean...it
weren't tainted by the hands of the unholy, is it?  Cause if the money been sittin in some
fuckin case in some Nigeria whooperhollin king's house who wears them funny-colored rags all
day, I aint goin near it unless it gets blessed.  It must be blessed.  yes.

Mrs Kate Hood, you have a funny name.  You like hoods? hahahaha I do too, why don't you come
on down to my shack an you can meet my horse, shes real purty, and stay for a drink or two?
Fuck Nigeria an all them hoopin an hollerin zimbabwe dorks, LONG LIVE 9/11 ALL FOR US OF A
LET'S ROLL JIHAD SUCK ON MY DICK!

Pepsi Bimbo

We are happy to inform you that you have just won our monthly PEPSI DRAWS of

One Million, Five Hundred Thousand Great British Pounds Sterling.

Note that your email address was selected via our computer draws held today.
Your File number attached to your ticket is PEP00934/UK. Kindly fill out
the claims verification form below and forward the details to your claims
agent below:

                       Claims Verification Form Below

1. Your Full Names:             2. Address:            3. Telephone and
Fax Numbers:
4. Occupation:             5. Reference Number:       6. How often do you
drink Pepsi:

Claims Agent
Name: Mrs Cherry Rings
Email: cherryclaimsdesk11@jmail.co.za

Best Regards,
Willie Adams
Pepsi Cola Company U.K


Replied:

OOOOOOMGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!! Like srsly omg i have neva totally just one somefin in my
entire effin life OMG dats so kwl.
I dont drik alot of pepsi tho i like coke.  both kinds LOL my boyfriend deals it OMG!
But liek if ur GonnA give MEEE free stuff den hellz yea i mite drink it 4rm now on

but i have Qs plzzzz

1.  wtf is a pound?  uhhh have u guys hurd of the DOLLAR its like so much better wtf is a
pound?  i mnot pounding anything lolz im buying with the american dollar its alot better cuz
americas tha richest count in the world dont u kno dat????

2.  sterling, is that like GOLD?! OMG GOLD its so pretty i wear alot cuz my bf buys me it

ok heres my info

1.  Melissa Kerchiefson.  stfu i hate my name omg i wana murder my parents and take more
coke.
2.  123 sutherland drive no not like donald sutherland that weird guy who was in those movies
3.  just txt me iv got like some cell phone plan with myspace and facebook and youtube and ooh
shiny things....umm i think iv got like that Ifone thing
4.  ummm i go to high school? duh?
5.  umm wtf?
6.  i told you i dont drink pepsi i drink coke so but like i told u ill be ur bitch if u
put me in commercials and make me a model and  stuff the real coke is good stuff and it makes
me rly thin so i think im gona B a model when i get older i just need my bf to buy me some tits

ok so get back to me soon willie do u play sports u can find me on myspace iv got hot pics there
click and theyll take u to my webcam site u can get in FREEEEEEEEE ;o)