Hello Dearest,
I am writing this mail to you With due respect trust and humanity, i appeal to you to exercise a little patience and read through my letter i feel quite safe dealing with you on this important business having gone through your remarkable profile, honestly i am writing this email to you with pains, tears and sorrow from my heart, i will really like to have a good relationship with you and i have a special reason why i decided to contact you, i decided to contact you due to the urgency of my situation, My name is Miss Joyce Romio Yak, 25yrs old female from Southern Sudan in Africa.
My father Dr.Romio Yak was the former Minister of SPLA Affairs and Special Adviser to President Salva Kiir of South Sudan for Decentralization. My father Dr.Romio Yak, my mother including other top Military officers and top government officials where on board when their plane crashed on Friday May 02, 2008 near Juba the regional capital when they were returning from a political conference held in the town of Wau, South Sudan.
Some months after the burial of my father, my uncle conspired with my step mother and sold my father's properties to a Chinese Expatriate. On a faithful morning I opened my father's briefcase and found out documents which my beloved late father used and deposit money at a Bank in Burkina Faso,with my name as the next of kin. I travelled to Burkina Faso to withdraw the money so that I can start a better life and take care of myself. The Branch manager of the Bank whom I met in person told me that my present status does not permit me by the local law to clear money or make a transfer of money into an account, he advice me to provide a foreign trustee who will help me and invest the money or I should wait till when I will get married as it demand by their Authority.
I choose to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust. But rather take me as your own blood sister. Though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without knowing you, well, I will say that my mind convinced me that you are the true person to help me. More so, I will like to disclose much to you if you can help me to relocate to your country because my uncle has threatened to assassinate me. The amount i USD19.8 Million} and I have confirmed from the bank in Burkina Faso . You will also help me to place the money in a more profitable business venture in your Country.
However, you will help me by recommending a nice University in your country so that I can complete my studies. It is my intention to compensate you with 20% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my capital in your establishment. As soon as I receive your interest in helping me, I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely. Please do keep this only to your self. I beg you not to disclose it till i come over to you because I am afraid of my wicked uncle who has threatened to kill me.
Sincerely yours,
Miss Joyce Romio Yak
Responded with:
To Ms YAK,
My mind has convinced me, o' niece, that you shall be removed from this planet. Yes, it is I, Uncle Yakmeister Dearest, and I am tracking you in Burkina Faso as we speak. Your futile attempts to escape my wrath of destruction render useless, as my operatives are watching you this very moment. HAHA!
You see, my plans are working out perfectly. I conversed with a Mr. Joseph Gnoleba on constructing the greatest bomb device made of a tritium-3 flux capacitor detonation switch, capable of detonating an entire airplane only with the vicinity of poor Romio's DNA. With his DNA meshing with the molecular dissonance of the bomb, it set a timer to detonate after twenty minutes in the air, perfect for reaching above ten thousand feet when the captain turns off the seat buckle sign and passengers are free to use the lavatory or punch screaming kids.
Romio Yakko was in quite the bad position, as his political prowess was getting far too powerful for our investors to stand. Phone calls galore woke me up at night in cold sweats, as our investors aren't the kind to see their money waft away simply at the commands of a politician. I dodged sniper bullets like Hillary Clinton did in Bosnia. Someone even sent that clown fucker from the SAW movies after me, and he's mailed me videotapes showing what he might do to me if Romio were to stay in power.
Naturally, my sense of self-preservation and super-saiyan Bear Grylls inner chakra strength was channeled into finding Gnoleba, and thus we constructed the bomb. Unfortunately for me, I was unaware that YOU would be up for election for Romio's seat. Yes, it's true, you are next of kin, so the seat goes to you, and now I must remove all remnants of Yaks from the seat. I must admit I am not your blood uncle--I am no Yak. I must rid political seats of power of Yaks--NAY, I must rid the WORLD of them--in order to find the way, the truth, the life of being supreme dictator of the world. DOWN WITH YAKS! YAKS MUST NOT BE ALLOWED TO SIT! I cannot let it happen, dear niece, as too much GOLD is waiting for the PLUNDER!
ALSO--
Always remember to eat your fruits and vegetables.
Love,
YOUR ESTRANGED UNCLE BARON VON YAKMEISTER THE TWENTIETH
