DEAREST, HOPE YOU ARE GOOD OVER THERE. I AM SORRY IF I AM INTRUDING INTO YOUR PRIVACY BY CONTACTING YOU SINCE I DO NOT KNOW YOU PHYSICALLY. THE FACT IS THAT I HAVE BEEN DIRECTED BY THE SPIRIT OF HUMANITARIAN SERVICE TO YOU KNOWING FULLY WELL THAT YOU WILL FAIR ENOUGH TO RESPOND TO THIS TASK THAT I SHALL BE PUTTING FORWARD TO YOU. AS YOU RIGHTLY KNOW, OUR TODAY'S WORLD IS GOVERN BY GREED,WICKEDNESS , HOSTILITY AND HATRED. PEOPLE NO LONGER FEEL SAFE DEALING WITH CLOSE FRIENDS ,RELATIVES ,NEIGHBOURS AND LOVED ONES. TRUST ARE BETRAYED BY PEOPLE YOU LEAST EXPECTED. I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT INTRODUCING MYSELF TO YOU BEFORE NOW. ,MY NAME IS SADDIQAl-TAYYIB FROM RIYAHD ,SAUDI ARABIA. I DO NOT FANCY RACIAL DISCRIMINATION SOIF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE THAT THINK YOUR RELIGION OR RACE IS SUPERIOR TO THAT OF OTHER PERSONS, PLEASE DO ME THE FAVOUR OF NOT REPLYING THIS MAIL. I HAVE SPENT 57 GOOD YEARS IN THIS WORLD AND HAVE WITNESS THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY SIDES OF LIFE. I HAVE LEARNT NOT TO VIEW LIFE FROM JUST A SINGLE PERSPECTIVE BECAUSE LIFE IS UNPREDICTABLE. MY REASON FOR CONTACTING YOU IS TO COMBINE OUR IDEAS AND DEDICATION TO TOUCH THE LIVES OF THE LESS-PRIVILEGE IN SOME PART OF THE WORLD SO THAT A GOOD LEGACY WILL BE LEFT BEHIND AFTER OUR TIME ON EARTH. I AM ACTUALLY IN THE HOSPITAL SENDING THIS MAIL TO YOU AS I HAVE EXPERIENCED ONE TRAUMA AFTER THE OTHER. MEDICAL EXPERTS HERE HAVE INFORMED ME I MIGHT NEVER LIVED TO SURVIVE THIS AILMENT THAT HAS PLAGUED THE LAST FEW YEARS OF MY LIFE. THIS IS BECAUSE THIS DEADLY AILMENT HAS AFFECTED MY MOST VITAL INTERNAL ORGANS. SOMEHOW, I NOW FEEL SAFER DEALING WITH STRANGERS THAN PEOPLE I KNOW DUE TO CONSTANT BETRAYALS I RECEIVE FROM LOVED ONES. NOWADAYS ONLY FEW THINK ABOUTASSISTING ORPHANAGE HOMES AND OTHER CHARITY ORGANISATIONS AROUND THE WORLD DUETO SELF-CENTREDNESS. THE RICH ARE GETTING RICHER AT THE EXPENSE OF THE POOR. PLEASE RESPOND TO THIS MAIL AS SOON AS YOU FINISH READING TO LET ME KNOW YOUR OPINION ABOUT ASSISTING THE LESS-PRIVILEGED AND IF YOU HAVE EVER GIVEN IT A THOUGHT TO HELP THEM ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. I HAVE A DREAM TO SHARE WITH YOUAND I HOPE AND PRAY I AM COMMUNICATING WITH THE RIGHT PERSON. THANKS FOR NOW AS I AWAIT YOUR SOONEST RESPONSE WITH:YOUR FULL NAMES, ADDRESS,PHONE/FAX NUMBER AND YOUR COUNTRY. YOURRESPONSE SHOULD BE FORWARDED TO THE BELOW ADDRESS:sadq_tayyib14@yahoo.com.hk THANKS FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED RESPONSE AND DO HAVE A GREAT DAY !!! REGARDS. SADDIQ Al-TAYYIB

Mr Sadick--

I am glad you do not know me physically, you sick fucking bastard.

Regards,

Someone

Daniel's Response, sans email.

I sent the following reply to "lawyer" Mike Finucane, who wanted my
help getting ahold of some funds an ex-client of his who had neglected
to mention in her well. I, of course, would be well compensated for my
assistance.

Mike? Mike FINUCANE? I don't believe it!

How are you doing, old man? I haven't heard from you since that nasty
business with the FRC!

God does this brings back memories...remember that time we were
touring East Germany with Inga, and she let slip that your uncle
worked for SIS, and we almost got killed by that bunch of Commie
construction workers? My jaw still hurts to think about it!

Now that I think about it, it's no wonder you and Inga didn't work out
in the end. I still get a Christmas card from her every year…she
caught herself a Princeton man who owns a couple of big cattle ranches
in Montana. They're marketing a frozen version of her
schnitzel...which let's be honest, is probably the reason he married
her.

I'm doing pretty well myself. While I was still in the Navy, my
brother offered me a chance to help out the son of a deposed African
dictator by letting him use my account for fund transfers. We
developed such a reputation for reliability and reasonable rates that
royal family members were getting their dictators overthrown just to
take advantage of our services.

My other investments have done even better. A few dollars to a
long-shot Texas governor got me a slot as the Ambassador to Qwghlm,
which, as you may recall, is my ancestral homeland. To think how you
used to tease me for taking Qwghlmian instead of Pravic or Sindarin.

I suppose you have heard my now that our old companion Maximus has
passed on. He never really forgave you for that scene you made at his
Christmas party, where you got drunk and described in great detail
(and at great volume) the sexual congress you had enjoyed with both
him and his mother. Of course, Mackie- ever the gentlemen- chose not
to counter by pointing out that you have been unable to engage in
intercourses since the voluntary castration you underwent during your
brief foray into a neo-Skoptic religion. My god, man, what were you
THINKING?

As great as it is to hear from you, I'm afraid I won't be able to help
you with your project...ever since Umbrella's merger with
Weyland-Yutani fell through, I've let my brother handle the financial
side of the house.

Best of luck though,

Buzz

Crackwhores Anonymous

Dear Friend

In search of a Trustee.

Its me Mrs Rosemary King, i want to donate what I have to the needy.
You Could be surprised why i picked you. But someone has to do it. I am
old and living with HIV AIDS AND CANCER. I have been touched to donate from what I have
inherited from my late husband to charity through you for the good work
of humanity, rather than allow my relatives to use my husband's hard
earned funds inappropriately.

I hope to be fogiven for all my sins and I believe he has, because He
is merciful. I have been living with HIV AIDS for years. and i know that
the disease has no cure therefore i will surely die. I have made up my
mind to give out (Fifteen million united state dollars) towards the fight against
HIV AIDS and CANCER, and other human related diseases. I want this to be done
through you. Part of the money would also be used to help the motherless,
less privileged and also for the assistance of the widows. Presently, i
can not answer calls due to the fact that my relatives are around me and
I have been restricted by my doctor from taking telephone calls
because I deserve all the rest I can get.

Presently,I have informed my lawyer about my decision in donating the
funds. I wish you all the best, and please use the money well and always
extend the good work to others. If you are able to carry out this
task,i will inform my legal adviser so that he can arrange the release of
the funds to you. I know i have never met you but my mind tells me to do
this,and I hope you act sincerely.I will pay you a handsome amount of
this money if you will assist me because I am now weak to do things
myself because of my HIV AIDS.

Kindly reply me on my private email:(rosekingmyking@yahoo.com.hk)

NB: I will appreciate your utmost secrecy in this matter until the task
is carried out,as I don't want anything that will halter this my last
wish Love,

Mrs Rosemary King.

Mrs. Rosemary--

I'm sorry to hear that you can't pick up your phone and dial a couple of numbers, but I am glad to hear you can sit on your computer, find the time to find someone random in the world (especially ME! lol), and then type this email I have most graciously received.

I have seen a lot of your kind, the ones barely hanging on to life, suffering from limb-to-limb from flesh-eating STDs. My only wish is that you kind of people can be the example Africa and the rest of the world needs to stop anal sex from happening. Since anal sex is one of the leading causes of sharing STDs, I'm sure this probably happened to you. Were you reluctant at first to let your lover stick it in the pooper? Mine is exit only.

Or perhaps you were around the block far too many times? Yes, I know a few little girls that were like that. They never closed their legs, the whores. But I'm sure your case was different sweetie. I'm glad you're giving all your late husband's money to me so I can start bringing in the crackwhores, meth-heads, prostitues, and fuckbunnies and show them what real lives they can have after you die.

Where has the cancer spread to? Let's hope that the cancer eats away the HIV AIDS and then disappears. I know that in my heart you will find God one way or another because he meant you to have both AIDS and cancer, just like you meant me to have the money. I am not surprised to have this great bounty disposed of upon me. From this day forth, I'm going to clean up the streets starting with the first penny of your death money.

Go with God,

A former crackwhore

FEDEX COURIER COMPANY
No 12 Air Port Road, Benin City.
West Africa Nigeria,
Telephone: +234 80 67 5721 04
Telephone: +234 80 67 5721 04

Good Day.

I am Mrs. Kate Hood Of the Fedex Courier Company,I have a Confirmable
BankDraft of $1,000.000.00 (One Million United States Dollars), that i
deposited the Draft with FEDEX COURIER SERVICE,West Africa,I travelled out
of the country for my hollidays and I will not reture back untill the end
of October.

I want you to try all your best and contact the FEDEX COURIER SERVICE as
soon as possible to know when you will get this package to you because of
the expiring date.For your information, I have paid for the security
Keeping Fee,Insurance premium and Clearance Certificate Fee of the Cheque
showing that it is not a Drug Money or meant to sponsor Terrorist attackin
your Country.

The only money you will send to the FEDEX COURIER SERVICE to deliver your
Draft direct to your postal Address in your country is $100.00 USD only
Delivery Charge Fee of the Courier Company so far.Again,don't be deceived
by any person to pay any other money except $100.00 USD Dollars you are to
pay the Delivering Charge .I would have paid that but they said no because
they don't know when you will contact them and in case of demurrage. You
have to contact the FEDEX COURIER SERVICE now for the delivery of your
Draft with this below  information.

=======================================
Contact Person: Mr. Barin White
Email Address:  fedex_barinwhite@yahoo.com.hk
Telephone: +234 80 67 5721 04
Telephone: +234 80 67 5721 04
=======================================


Lastly, You are advice to send the below information to the Courier Company:

Your Full Name:......................
Your Sex:............................
Postal address:......................
Direct telephone number:.............

Do send it to them again to avoid any mistake on the Delivery and ask them
to give you the tracking number to enable you track your package over
there and know when it will get to your address.

Yours Faithfully,
Mrs. Kate Hood.

Response:

Fuckin GOOD!  I don want no terrorist attackin my fuckin country.  This is US of A
and we're united under GOD HIMSELF prasie the baby Lord Jesus.

100 bucks?  Shit i need to get on down to the sperm bank and shoot off a few rounds.  I
hope they have the good porn this time, last time I went they gave me Colon Cowboys an I
didn't shoot shit cause it was some sorta Brokeback bullshit that I aint into. 
That movie had purty horses in it though.  

I prolly gotta sell the kids too.  A million bucks?  Shit I'd give em up for 100 to get that.
Maybe i'll give out some blood too, i've been hiding from dem fuckin collections folk they
keep callin me and even one time one showed up on the porch, so Bubba (he's the 10 year old)
grabbed the shotgun an made him remember who the Lord was praise the baby lord Jesus Christ
Almighty who will SMITE the fuckers who dare touch my holy porch!

I have a question though, if the money came from Nigeria...did you clean it?  I mean...it
weren't tainted by the hands of the unholy, is it?  Cause if the money been sittin in some
fuckin case in some Nigeria whooperhollin king's house who wears them funny-colored rags all
day, I aint goin near it unless it gets blessed.  It must be blessed.  yes.

Mrs Kate Hood, you have a funny name.  You like hoods? hahahaha I do too, why don't you come
on down to my shack an you can meet my horse, shes real purty, and stay for a drink or two?
Fuck Nigeria an all them hoopin an hollerin zimbabwe dorks, LONG LIVE 9/11 ALL FOR US OF A
LET'S ROLL JIHAD SUCK ON MY DICK!

Pepsi Bimbo

We are happy to inform you that you have just won our monthly PEPSI DRAWS of

One Million, Five Hundred Thousand Great British Pounds Sterling.

Note that your email address was selected via our computer draws held today.
Your File number attached to your ticket is PEP00934/UK. Kindly fill out
the claims verification form below and forward the details to your claims
agent below:

                       Claims Verification Form Below

1. Your Full Names:             2. Address:            3. Telephone and
Fax Numbers:
4. Occupation:             5. Reference Number:       6. How often do you
drink Pepsi:

Claims Agent
Name: Mrs Cherry Rings
Email: cherryclaimsdesk11@jmail.co.za

Best Regards,
Willie Adams
Pepsi Cola Company U.K


Replied:

OOOOOOMGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!! Like srsly omg i have neva totally just one somefin in my
entire effin life OMG dats so kwl.
I dont drik alot of pepsi tho i like coke.  both kinds LOL my boyfriend deals it OMG!
But liek if ur GonnA give MEEE free stuff den hellz yea i mite drink it 4rm now on

but i have Qs plzzzz

1.  wtf is a pound?  uhhh have u guys hurd of the DOLLAR its like so much better wtf is a
pound?  i mnot pounding anything lolz im buying with the american dollar its alot better cuz
americas tha richest count in the world dont u kno dat????

2.  sterling, is that like GOLD?! OMG GOLD its so pretty i wear alot cuz my bf buys me it

ok heres my info

1.  Melissa Kerchiefson.  stfu i hate my name omg i wana murder my parents and take more
coke.
2.  123 sutherland drive no not like donald sutherland that weird guy who was in those movies
3.  just txt me iv got like some cell phone plan with myspace and facebook and youtube and ooh
shiny things....umm i think iv got like that Ifone thing
4.  ummm i go to high school? duh?
5.  umm wtf?
6.  i told you i dont drink pepsi i drink coke so but like i told u ill be ur bitch if u
put me in commercials and make me a model and  stuff the real coke is good stuff and it makes
me rly thin so i think im gona B a model when i get older i just need my bf to buy me some tits

ok so get back to me soon willie do u play sports u can find me on myspace iv got hot pics there
click and theyll take u to my webcam site u can get in FREEEEEEEEE ;o)

Owning Fabrics

Kelley Ko Fabrics
2 Wilmington Court
Tankerville Road
London
SW16 5LN

Hello ,
      
My name is John kelly , C.E.O to Kelley Ko Fabrics. Kelley Ko
is a textile agency established 1990 by John and Jeanne Kelley
specializing in fashion fabrics for clothing manufactures and many designer ranges. Our office
is located in SW London , We are In search of a Representative in
Your region to Work for us as a Part Time worker and this will not affect
your current state of work.

The main scope of work for this Representative will be to accept
payment via Check or Wire Transfer and then deduct His/Her 10% working
allowance and a extra 5% for effectiveness and send down the rest to
our Head Office In the United Kingdom. If you are Interested, kindly get back
to me with your full name, phone number and residential address to
(kelly.ko13@gmail.com) .

Please note that it wouldn't cost you anything to receive payment on
our company's behalf.Please reply only if you will like to work from
home part-time and get paid weekly without leaving or it affecting your present job
(PAY IS GOOD)

NB: Kelley Ko Fabrics. will never ask you for anything like bank
account number,routing number,credit card,passwords,s.s.n # etc. If
anyone asks for those on our behalf please do not give out this info. This is to ensure
your security and non involvement in cases of Identity Theft.

Regards
John Kelly


Mr. John Kelly:

I am pleased to hear that your business in the UK is doing well.  I am also pleased that you
do not wish to know any of my information, as that downright proves without a doubt that
you're not trying to scam me like the other couple of bastards tried to do.  I came to their
place of business with a hearty lunch of pizza mixed with a few special ingredients.  Needless
to say, their offices won't be doing business anymore. 

I do regret to inform you, however, that I cannot do business with your branch.  Actually,
your business IS my business.  You see, you are owned and operated by Wriggum Services Inc,
and I actually happen to be so far up the corporate ladder that some would say I get orders
directly from God.  That's exactly why your business is doing so well.

So as your newfound CEO to your little business, the powers that be command you to relinquish
all of your assets and put them into my account.  I'll give you the information later, just
understand now that you won't be able to escape my loving wrath as I take over your company
and eventually the world.

One of the other companies I own is in business to install identifying chips inside the hands
of every individual in the United States.  We are working with hospitals to have these chips
implanted into babies as soon as they are born.  Once this is entirely implemented, I will rise
to power and the chips will give me the ability to infiltrate security by any means possible.
If someone is doing something they shouldn't, the peacekeeper police will be on them in a moment
of time.  

So, to make a long story short, i'm taking over your company and then the world.

KEEP THE PEACE
SUSTAIN ORDER
ALL IN THE NAME OF THE FIFTH REECH

Back in time!

Good day WRIGHT

My name is Joseph Gnoleba a Banker and accountant with Bank Atlantique Abidjan . I am the personal accounts manager to Engr Lake WRIGHT, who used to work with an oil servicing company here in Cote Ivoire.

My client, his wife, and their three children were involved in the ill fated Kenya Airways crash in the coasts of Abidjan in January 2000 in which all passengers on board died. Since then I have made several inquiries to his embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives but that as been unsuccessful .After several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his last name over the internet ,to see if I could locate any member of his family hence I contacted you.

Of particular interest is this huge deposit with our bank here in, where the deceased has an account valued at about ($16 million US dollars).They have issued me a notice to pro vide the next of kin or the bank will declare the account unserviceable and thereby send the funds to the bank treasury. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over last 6years now, I will seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account valued at ($16million US dollars) can be paid to you and then you and I can share the money.

All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through .I guarantee that this will be executed under all legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. In your reply mail, I want you to give me your full names, address, date of birth, telephone and fax numbers .If you can handle this with me, reach me now for more details.

Thanking you for your anticipated cooperation.
Sincerely,
Joseph Gnoleba

What I sent:

Good day Gnoleba,

I am the COO of a highly profitable company based in Hinjab and I greatly appreciate your offer of the 16 million. However, I cannot currently provide you with any information as the information provided would certainly be out of date. You see, I was a passenger upon the Kenya Airways flight when it downed over the coasts of Abidjan in 2000. Since I am most certainly deceased, as you have claimed in your email to me, I am unable to receive any lump sum of money in my bank account as it has been closed. The approximate 2 billion I had was passed out to my children, who now do not need any support, or the trifling matters of 16 million dollars.
However, I do know that the flight I was boarding malfunctioned due to the fuel manifold eroding away--the fuel contained far too many carbon-chain polypeptides and thus the ethanol content could not support the dihydrogen oxide overload in the catalytic converter. The plane needed new fuel, and at the time I had only 25 cents in my pocket to buy the next Punjabi magazine in my favorite porn shop I always visit. In order for me to receive the money at the most dire moment, I require your information as it was in 2000. Upon receiving the money, I will buy the fuel (my fuel analyst Tim C. tells me the fuel costs 56 thousand dollars) and then swifly transfer all remaining funds to your name. I already discussed the fuel payment options with the CEO of the airport, Michael Biehn, and the motherfucker takes cash only.
In order to do all this, I must have you visit Christopher Lloyd--if he is not deceased yet--and ask him of his best invention, the flux capacitor. This will allow you to travel back in time (do you have a DeLorean handy?) so you can deopsit the money into your account. That is when you must contact me about the fuel. I will ONLY subtract the 56 thousand dollars and I trust you will not touch it until after the plane lands safely at my destination.
I guarantee that in your time travels you will not create a time-space paradox. My past self awaits your response in these matters.

Sincerely,
Distinguished Wright

PS: Due to the nature of money and inflation, I'm afraid the price of fuel will grow exponentially by month as you travel back in time. I'm afraid the 16 million actually won't cover it, so please provide the rest of what you can spare into the account. I assure you, you will walk away from this transaction with great profit.

Sweet Good Stories

FROM INTERNATIONAL POLICE UNIT, REGARDING RECOVERY OF YOUR LOST MONEY.
Call us @ our zonal office for more clearification+234 708 180 4723
Attention:

My name is Mr. John Brown. we are fraud investigating international police attached with United Nations international police unit Cotonou.
We cover West African country with our men. We discovered that you are among the list of foreigners that fell victims of fraudulent activities of some scam men here.
From our investigation, we discovered that you have lost some money to fulfill your endless financial obligation with these criminals .
I discovered that MANY who claim to be YOUR PARTNER AND FRIEND IN BUSINES INCLUDING YOUR PRESENT BUSINESS PARTNER used your money to buy properties here.
Though they are now on the run,but they would be writting you from hiding due to mobile internet services. We also found out that you sent money to THEM WITH HOPE OF MAKING A BIG MONEY.
Please we want to know how much you send to THEM, to enable us include it in the money we are proposing to return to you immediately. They are the people that told you series of sweet good stories ,and you believe them not knowing they are scam artist.
We need your absolute cooperation to enable us recover your fund and send it back to you to enable you reposition your damaged financial life.
CONTACT MR. JOHN BROWN VIA THIS MAIL FOR THE PROCEEDINGS OF YOUR PAYMENT john-interpol33@live.com
We have seized the properties of these men that were on the run, and have submitted their properties to government for auction sales to enable us recover your fund through it, but this will be possible if we hear from you ,to enable us advise you on how to apply for recovery of your fund and if possible give us more details that will help us to arrest them.
PLEASE DO NOT DISCLOSE THIS EMAIL TO THEM TO ENABLE US ARREST THEM,DO NOT INFORM THEM, JUST MAINTAIN REGULAR CORRESPONDENCE WITH US AND ALWAYS UPDATE ME ANYTIME THEY WRITE YOU.

Your reply to us is very important.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Yours faithfully,
Mr. John Brown +234 80 708 180 4723
Chief inspector of crime and fraud Interpol.


Mr John Brown,

I am rich, still rich, and I am richer than you would ever be richer than I would be. I have BIG MONEY, but thankfully NO WHAMMIES!

My financial life is not damaged in any way. I do apologize for any misconception as the money I sent to Africa was on its way to be sent to the children so the children could have food and eat and shoes and could learn how to read good and write good too just like i do. That way they can get on Press Your Luck too and I hope they get NO WHAMMIES, but BIG MONEY and then drive the wonderful mercedez-benz.

Yet allow me to clearify first. My present business partner is Mr Joseph Gnoelba, you may remember him as the man who traveled back in time to get me money for a plane ride so I could prevent it from happening. I have doublecheckered the past history and scam has not happened so Dick Clark was right in saying that the 10 thousand from that fucking pyramid was actually deposited and not scammed like the damned regis philbin does sometimes.

Please if there are any fraudulidious transaction, ignore it so I can get on with MY LIFE AS I READ SWEET GOOD STORIES IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM THANK YOU.

Sincere,

ME