Daniel's Response, sans email.

I sent the following reply to "lawyer" Mike Finucane, who wanted my
help getting ahold of some funds an ex-client of his who had neglected
to mention in her well. I, of course, would be well compensated for my
assistance.

Mike? Mike FINUCANE? I don't believe it!

How are you doing, old man? I haven't heard from you since that nasty
business with the FRC!

God does this brings back memories...remember that time we were
touring East Germany with Inga, and she let slip that your uncle
worked for SIS, and we almost got killed by that bunch of Commie
construction workers? My jaw still hurts to think about it!

Now that I think about it, it's no wonder you and Inga didn't work out
in the end. I still get a Christmas card from her every year…she
caught herself a Princeton man who owns a couple of big cattle ranches
in Montana. They're marketing a frozen version of her
schnitzel...which let's be honest, is probably the reason he married
her.

I'm doing pretty well myself. While I was still in the Navy, my
brother offered me a chance to help out the son of a deposed African
dictator by letting him use my account for fund transfers. We
developed such a reputation for reliability and reasonable rates that
royal family members were getting their dictators overthrown just to
take advantage of our services.

My other investments have done even better. A few dollars to a
long-shot Texas governor got me a slot as the Ambassador to Qwghlm,
which, as you may recall, is my ancestral homeland. To think how you
used to tease me for taking Qwghlmian instead of Pravic or Sindarin.

I suppose you have heard my now that our old companion Maximus has
passed on. He never really forgave you for that scene you made at his
Christmas party, where you got drunk and described in great detail
(and at great volume) the sexual congress you had enjoyed with both
him and his mother. Of course, Mackie- ever the gentlemen- chose not
to counter by pointing out that you have been unable to engage in
intercourses since the voluntary castration you underwent during your
brief foray into a neo-Skoptic religion. My god, man, what were you
THINKING?

As great as it is to hear from you, I'm afraid I won't be able to help
you with your project...ever since Umbrella's merger with
Weyland-Yutani fell through, I've let my brother handle the financial
side of the house.

Best of luck though,

Buzz